The Squirtle Spurtle with Trixie and Katya

The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya – Season 7

If you thought oatmeal recipes couldn't be sensual, you'd be dead wrong. Dim the lights, burn that bergamot arousal candle from your cousin's bachelorette party, and bring 1 cup of steel-cut oats to a slow, smoldering simmer in 4 cups of creamy, luscious whole milk. Add just a pinch of sea salt, and let the ingredients relax into a luscious, velvet-thick porridge so opulent it's no wonder this recipe won the World Porridge Making Championship. Once you achieve the ideal level of viscosity, stir in 2 tablespoons of sweet brown sugar, 2 tablespoons of hot melted butter, a dash of vanilla, and a deliciously decadent pour of heavy cream. Finish with toasted walnuts, a molten ribbon of sticky honey, and bejeweled raspberries whose tart sparkle will slice through all that thick seduction like Trixie and Katya waxing poetic about proper air conditioning.